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Obedience School Dropout

I was a weird kid. When girls my age were playing with dolls and listening to Mariah Carey, I was playing basement hockey and listening to Nirvana. They wore floral prints and bows; I wore black and begged my mom for JNCOs.  As they began experimenting with makeup, I was covered in dirt and still rocking backwards hats.   I've never been afraid of being different.  My parents taught me from a young age to do what I want to do and resist peer pressure to fit in.  Fitting in is overrated.  You can fall in with a group who doesn't like you for who you really are.  You can lose your true self.  You don't get a chance to find what you truly enjoy.  Basically, you waste time, and time is the most precious resource that we have.  You don't get time back.  So why in the hell would you spend that precious, rare time with people who don't know or appreciate you?  Or waste it doing things that you don't enjoy?  We get so little free time because of all the responsibilities

Welcome.

I’m not a n00b to the blog game.  I’ve been here before.  Twelve years ago, I ran a fashion website called Glam Kitten’s Litterbox.  It featured news about the fashion world, investigated trends, followed the hot runway shows, and even had personal fashion photos of me that were taken by a photographer (aka my husband).  It was successful.  I never reached viral status, but I did get invitations to cover special events, had opportunities to meet some of the top players in the fashion world (including Rebecca Taylor and her PR person), and even had a website dedicated to hating me.  I had trolls before trolls became popular.

While it was cool to reach a status high enough to have people shit on me, it also started messing with my self-esteem.  I began picking apart every photo that was taken, searching for flaws, asking for re-shoots, second-guessing each outfit and location.  In other words, my fun fashion website wasn’t fun anymore.  I was also going into debt from all the shopping.  The pressure to keep up with the newest trends and wear the best labels was wreaking havoc on my college student credit cards.  So I called it quits.

The fashion world was no longer of interest to me.  I burned myself out.  Instead, I traded my stilettos for Chuck Taylors and the mall for a gym.

I pursued the sport of powerlifting.

I’ve always been physically active.  I was athletic from a young age.  Growing up in a neighborhood with boys, sports was my key to survival.  We played basketball, soccer, baseball, street hockey, basement hockey, BB gun and paintball fights (no padding because padding is for wusses), BMX-biking - you name it, we did it.  There was a strict “no crying” policy since I was the only girl.  If I cried, I got punched in the face. (That’s probably why I don’t cry much now.  They beat it out of me.) I played volleyball all throughout grade school.  I saved up my allowance in 7th grade and bought a punching bag because Buffy the Vampire Slayer had a punching bag, and I wanted to be like Buffy.  In high school, I started running and lifting weights for fun.  I took a break for a couple of years in college due to health reasons - more on that later - but I rediscovered my love for running and the gym once I was physically able to be active again.  And it just kept going.  I haven’t stopped pursuing sports since I was a kid.  In one way or another, I have been involved with sports my entire life.  It’s my number one love and passion.  It’s literally what gets me out of bed some mornings.  It’s my anchor to this world.

Is this a fitness blog?

There will definitely be conversations about fitness here.  The health and wellness space is such a huge part of my life that I can’t NOT talk about it.
But will it only be about fitness?
No.  There will be so much more.  I want to talk about everything in my life.

I’m a thirtysomething female who was diagnosed with liver disease at the age of 18.  I’ve been working at my current job for the past 11 years.  I’m married and without children and not planning to have children.  I went to graduate school and didn’t graduate with a Masters but did switch my degree three times. 

Trust me - I have things to talk about.

Writing has always been important to me.  I was the kid whose bedroom was stuffed with journals.  I had journals hidden everywhere.  I even hid journals around my backyard just in case I thought of something that I wanted to write down while I was playing outside.  I wrote plays, books, stories, poems, and songs, and then I would read them to my stuffed animals to gauge their reactions. (It was always positive.) I started a school newspaper when I was in 2nd grade.  I was on the journalism team and the yearbook committee in high school.  I majored in English and minored in creative writing.

A love for language is in my soul.  So yes, I have plenty to say.  The problem is that I have been without a satisfying outlet.  I’ve been working on a book for years, but I haven’t been able to make much progress because the subject matter is so difficult.  My job is in human resources, not writing or editing.  Instagram captions can only go so far.  Long-form content has always been good for me because I have so much that I want to write.

I’m hoping this will be a healthy, happy outlet for me to finally reach that inner writer and let her be free.  I want her to have a safe space to share.  I want her words to be seen by others. 

Maybe this will go somewhere.  Maybe this will go nowhere.  All I know is that I am proud of myself for taking this step, starting this blog, and putting myself out there again.  I’ve been away for far too long.

So welcome to my space.  I hope you choose to stay.

xoxo BB


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